I'm wondering if i will ever get it together. Lately it seems i just cant stop crying and the littlest things set me off.
I had the crappiest day yesterday with probably some of the most heartbreaking news i could receive at this point. I submitted an application to do home daycare. I did it in the states and I'm re applying out here. Well i had to go before a review board because there was an incident that happened to me the first 4 months we got on island. I was attacked by a lady, in my own home, in front of my kids. The end result was considered a "mutual afray". There was nothing mutual about it. I had to go to a hearing and everything on this. J had to hear a lot of crap from this, basically that he cant control his family etc... all this happened while he was DEPLOYED in mainland Japan. I was given a warning as "punishment" which is the lowest form, the attacker was given probation and other things. We didn't fight the term of it being a mutual affray beings that they use that for everything out here and i never in a million years thought it would ever come up again. Until yesterday when my request for childcare got denied. I'm so heart broken right now. I submitted everything to this board on what happened, police records, which show everything in my favor, i even have the Colonel backing us up. I had to dial 911 to get the police to my home , etc... So now its a waiting game to re submit things to another board. I'm thinking they didn't not read my paper work, and maybe they thing this chick is still on island. We actually had to be moved to another base because she was stalking me! There is plenty of paper work i submitted on that as well. I have never cried so much, when i got that call. Kids are my life, and the possibility of never being able to have them in my home crushes me. I emailed 2 of my past parents, who are friends of mine, so see if they could write up a letter of reference for me, in hopes that it helps sway the decision of the "new" board. Ive been to the police dept, and I'm going back down to where i had my hearing tomorrow to try to get it removed off my record. I don't know, this all just sucks and will follow me for the rest of my husbands career
The other chick got a job at the school here on base, so something is just not right, I'm getting screwed in this deal.

I go into the Dr next week, i really think my depression is back. I battled it years ago, but with J getting deployed and the stress that A with his problems is putting me through, now this daycare stuff, i just don't know how much more i can take. I miss the states so bad. I'm suppose to be strong, and never let my "weak" side show, but i cant help it. I have no one to really talk to over here and calling my mom is just not the same. I have to keep up my happy face a while longer just until J goes, so that way he knows I'm ok, but I'm really not. I'm so scared for him, the kids. WTH am i going to tell them if something happens? What am I going to do? Such awful thoughts but its something that i think of daily

On a brighter note. We ordered the kids each one of these

http://http://www.hugahero.com/

While checking my flowers last week, i noticed something has been eating them. Look at the poop, does it look like a rabbit to you?

I did, so i moved my plants to the top of our outside refrigerator, then i noticed more poop. I'm like, sneaky rabbit, how did it get up here. So i move the plants out to a step

Then i seen something, do you see it?

There were not 1, not 2, but 3 of these nasty things eating my flowers!

So i did what any bug lover would do........ I threw them in the street!!!!

Don't want them eating the rest of my flowers =0)